Adrenaline Culture

“The Dragon that our seas did raise his crest

& brought back heaps of gold unto his nest. . .”

ROBERT HAYMAN

They are the young and beautiful porn of the ephedrine rush, on whose wiry backs a single product, Red Bull, has hitched a ride — sweaty and ephemeral at once. . .you catch them. at odd moments, those quiet boring times between defanging rattlesnakes using bicycle innertubes in the grueling Gobi 5000 Death-A-Rama or hangliding from Olympus Mons during a duststorm to land in some EveryDude’s equatorial paradise where they are proclaimed Kings of the Jungle and righteous MoFo’s by the requisite tribe of Killer Apes, but even these living Action Figures must sometimes stop & suffer from the Post-Modern ennui which is our common condition; that is when you belatedly arrive — to be insolently told that Red Bull gives you wings!

As their lives flash before your eyes: skydiving, Mountain Climbing, Surfing, Snowboarding, etc., etc. at extremely exotic locations using gear too expensive for most people not on a corporate advertising budget.

The Adrenaline Culture is driven by twin engines; a visual media compelled to show exciting activities in their quest for profit, and the blandness of suburban existence — a trite observation , but between these two conditions a synergy is created — if suburbia is bland, uninteresting, flat, stale, worthless then the only places or things of worth must exist outside of its purview, a not very happy thought for “Generation Etc.” who must spend their lives imprisoned by the very suburbia so unflatteringly depicted.

. . .you know there’s never anything to do, just hang out waiting for some brief flash of extreme mind-numbing violence and fear, until you hang out so far you start to resemble a corpse on a noose. That’s what it’s like when you’re of a certain age and disposition — we’ll call it the “Francis Drake Persona”. . .

In past phases of Western Civilization young men of high intellect, overabundant energy, uncertain morals and possessed of an aversion to all but the most rigorously brutal top-down authoritarian structures could always hope to become enormously wealthy putting their talents to work in foreign parts for the glory of the crown.

Alas such adventures are now behind us, nowadays a young man with these qualities may succeed provided he is handsome and capable of assuming appropriate facial expressions, accepting of the looser authoritarian structures implicit in daily shoots or competition sporting events, and that the looseness of his moral behavior does not implicitly betray his media-portrayed persona, ie: a dude can shoot dope or sleep with a minor but it would be rather bad form if he pushed a bro over the cliff edge and stole the Treasure of the Sierra Madre for himself; in other words: Fuck You! Sir Francis Drake, and all your progeny! You got us where we are, now sink off in the shit-pile!

But Sir Francis just don’t wanna go. . .in Adrenaline Culture the thrill of extreme physical activity is portrayed and accepted as the most desirable state of being, whether it be the three-way for your delectation sexual marathon, the glorious mind-bending psychedelic reality mind-fuck which you have to experience running naked through a South American jungle under the supervision of a certified Shaman, scurrying up a sheer rock face like some pissed off praying mantis looking for its mate, or whatever, just as long as it works off some of this goddamn energy — you know what I’m saying?

Now this is all very well and good for your Average All-American Spud-Ass consuming his daily dose of simulated experience, he is well inoculated against the negative effects of this philosophy; but not Sir Francis, for it accords only too closely with his own beliefs — but how does one have these enticing experiences if one is poor? and what about you? cause really that’s what it all comes down to in the mediated end, how do you afford the product? If you don’t have Official Sponsors or indulgent Upper Middle Class relatives willing to support your addiction increasingly risky and esoteric adrenaline sources? If the vague authority patterns of such sponsors confuse and disgust you?

Hey, you just can’t affor to do that shit without adequate funding — & to be honest if you’re the average Sir Francis in todays economy the kind of job you’re qualified for is likely to crush down so far into negative adrenal levels that by the time the weekend comes you gots to play twice as extreme to reach the level normal Human responses, not to even dream of that insane supersensation you crave.

True, you could go mountain climbing without “proper” equipment as they did at the beginning of this century, when the sport was still the private domain of Sir Francis, but you probably only succeed in getting arrested. Whatever Sir Francis discovers will be taken from him, exploited, regulated, and made safe for the polite masses of upper income fitness buffs. As Nietsche once observed the herd hates the individualist.

The safer something is the more people will want to do it, once a “sport” has succeeded to the point it is safe for almost anyone inclined to try it — the non-safe permutations will be outlawed. The inclination to risk oneself is an indicator of Sir Francis, and if he is not in the State’s employ than he must be considered an enemy.

These are principles every modern day Sir Francis is aware of, they’ve been ingrained in every unbroken bone.

Illuminati Ganga is committed to the protection and maintenance of its younger unsocialized intelligent lifeforms — in this case almost certainly humans and often males, via Illuminati Ganga’s Criminal Management Division (CMD, affectionately known as Command)

Illuminati Ganga believes in the Francis Drakes of humanity, their danger is momentary — as it has always been.

But just to be sure we should put up a Private Preserve for his kind! Perhaps a zone of coastal waters off Nantucket where unrestricted piracy might be allowed, nay, even encouraged! Do not let this once proud creature vanish from the Earth, America, I exhort you!

(Personally I think Sir Francis is stronger than Capitalism, Democracy, and Media-Defined realities so I’m not really worried.)

So what does Sir Francis do when he’s

1. stuck in boring suburbia
2. Broke
3. can’t stand working boring suburban jobs, ie; Sir Francis does not make a good checkstand boy.

Obviously the only Adrenal Pursuit left which doesn’t require great expenditures of Cash, can be pursued within the City, might even make you some decent money, and doesn’t have any complicated authority structures.

What’s needed for Armed Robbery? A gun, a mask and a car -

an outlay of $75 at most — you already have a car, your parents may be miserable lower class losers but for chrissakes they gave you a car! even if it’s an old broke-down clunker, let’s go, time’s a-wastin, and what about burglary — you can go spelunking thru the Neighbor’s house and steal their new geat. that’s what they get for always yelling at you for that loud crap you play, where’d they think they got the right?

What does one expect in a Market where Sir Francis is relegated to Labor Provider, Entertainment Provider, or Pest?

Right now Sir Francis is somewhere pulling a car-jack; I can hear him from here: “Ahoy there, all ye landlubbers overboard or else, get it?”

Yeah, I’ve been there and I’ve done that . . . .but while on Red Bull!? Whoaaah -. . . .