Application

People often want to work at Illuminati Ganga, but it’s not a walk in the park to get hired here, we have high quality applicants from all over the world, as an example of the quality of the applicants that we get but turn away as under-qualified the following application was received a few years ago but sadly, while the applicant came close, they did not meet our high standards.

Eager job applicants, potentially not real humans, pointing up at the Great gleaming Sky-scraping citadel of the modern Illuminati Ganga Headquarters!

Dear Hiring Manager of Illuminati Ganga,

The position I am most interested in would be one involving project management but I think my particular skills would also translate well into all areas of Game Design, Public Relations, and Marketing.

My most recent employment was as managerial head of Project Maniac of developing El Presidente for the recently passed Presidential bid of a major political party! I was also the originator of the concept behind El Presidente, that of the President as a psychotic, serial killer/rapist with an addiction to over the counter medications and child pornography.

The project’s goals were to move enough units of the game to pay the campaign, as well as instilling a memetically subconscious dislike of the President impossible to erase and more potent than that offered by more traditional forms of negative advertising — as the old saying goes it is difficult to get someone to reason their way out of an opinion that was not formed through reason and as the newer saying goes if an idea is implanted at the dream level it seems like a truth you have always known.

Admittedly, the goals of the project were only partially successful.

Although 2 million units of the game were shipped. a fundamental misjudgement of the American public’s psychology actually increased the popularity of the President. It seems the focus groups had not properly calibrated the effect of Presidential celebrity and power on the represented misdeeds which were rendered extremely sexy and glamorous.

People felt the President had gotten away with something and was therefore a winner.

Perhaps we should not have made the virtual President so difficult to defeat but the time for recriminations is past and now is the season of fiat executions.

What I have learned from this is a greater deal of self-awareness as to what my limitations are, also not to listen too much to focus groups and the like because in today’s world a measure of self-reliant initiative is often needed to make decisions.

My greatest faults would be being overly-creative, sometimes one’s new ideas must be reined in a bit so as to achieve their fully desired effect. I also tend to blame myself too much but that just spurs me on to taking greater efforts in whatever project I’m on at the moment — finally, I am way too loyal and overly concerned with such abstracts as morality and ethics but I guess that’s just a part of who I am and I am forced to live with it.

I would like to work in the West Coat offices of Illuminati Ganga because everybody knows you guys have

1. The best psychoactive drugs to spur creativity and focus.
2. Access to high level Memetic engineering processes.
3. More advanced reality warping tech in general.

I think I can help build a strong multimedia infrastructure in the office for interacting with clients and manipulating the civilian population. I believe my skills can be of especial use for the team and I hope to hear from you soon.