Buy Our Murderquitos Now While Supplies Last

3 months ago 2

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Hey, it’s me — Illuminati Ganga Agent 77 — doing my usual thing where I look over some of the cool products that Illuminati Ganga has and suggest you buy some because they’re cool.

Why do I do this you ask, because they pay me a share of the sales! Which gives me money I can spend on one of our greatest products

The Big Bottle of Booze

Now the reason why I’m bringing that up is because I am currently entered in the contest to be the greatest drunk in America for 2025, and I’m in the lead, just barely, and there is strong competition from

Pete Hegseth

So that’s why you have to buy these products, so that I can use the money I get to stay drunk and in the lead — otherwise Pete Hegseth wins! You don’t want Pete Hegseth to win do you!?!

If you can’t afford to buy a product right now because of the incredible high tariffs from science fictive worlds entering reality, you can always support Illuminati Ganga and our analytics solution will track you as supported from one of my articles and then some of the money goes to me.

Don’t let that coffee cup fool you, I’m 100% getting Drunk on your support!

Murderquitos Bonitos

The Murderquito robotic human killing machine is not just great for assassinating people in the most horrifying way possible, but also .. no wait, let me just go into that a bit more

For reals, if you are getting assassinated by an Italian knife-gun duo, it sucks.

I mean even if you are not an old tough Chicago Irish cop it sucks, but that is nothing compared to the terror and misery of a giant robotic mosquito flying down and sticking its stinger into your torso and draining all your life blood out as you cry and writhe on the ground in agony begging for mercy.

I wouldn’t wish this fate on my worst enemy, because there’s no monetary gain in wishing — sadly.

But the great thing about the Murderquito is not just the inhumane way you can make your enemies suffer so that their loved ones and families will have nightmares for years thinking about how they died, no the really great thing is that all the blood Murderquitos harvest from their victims is stored and used to restore a dwindling supernatural species that has had a pretty rough time of it in our modern era.

Because We’re Illuminati Ganga and we care about the world.

So buy a Murderquito, they’re cool, they’re environmentally conscious and your enemies will scream for mercy but you will stand aside, popping one single delicious grape in your mouth and silently echo the word “No”.

If you can’t afford a Murderquito, which we totally understand, although if you are hoping to kill and torture someone evil yourself, by hand, reconsider — the Murderquito pays for itself in a very short time — but if the answer is still nope, can’t afford it, then try out our wonderful Murderquito Dog Tag!

Bonus — if you have been targeted for assassination by Murderquito, which, given latest government purchases, I can predict most of us will be in the near future, wearing one of these dog tags guarantees you 10% less agony! Also the Murderquito plays a soothing, feel good playlist of hits to make your passing not quite as unpleasant.

That’s nice isn’t it?

Below is the current Murderquito Feel Good Death Playlist.

BROS. Pretty Much High Quality Ones

Some of you may have seen the advertisements for this product, it’s a pretty big hit.

Essentially we capture Bros, knock them out, and use interested ladies as an important link in our multi-level marketing company named BROS which we set up for the selling of BROS. A Catchy Name for a Catchy Product.

Now many Multi Level marketing schemes only have 3 or 4 levels, because they suck, but we have over 2000 — we can’t say exactly how many more because once you graduate past level 2000 all the other levels are secret and cannot be discussed because you sign an NDA agreeing to death by Murderquito if you blab too much. But obviously that kind of super secret thing is due to keeping quiet about our special recipe for awesome sauce every HOE(Home-based Official Entrepreneur) in BROS learns about.

There was some recent worries that our supply of BROS would run out way too soon and our chief company officers would have to embezzle all the funds and run off to the Honduras years ahead of schedule, but thanks to ICE (Illuminati Criminal Enterprises) which we incorporated as a limited liability company to kidnap members of ICE (NAZI PUNKS WITH SMALL DICKS — geez who made that acronym!?) we were able to keep the good looking ICE members in their 20s (don’t laugh there were some) and sell them through BROS instead of sending them overseas to 3rd world countries where they do whatever it is they do when they get hold of loud American para-military racists with no accountability.

So, young Ladies, if you want to earn extra money by selling BROS and then use that extra money by buying me booze or investing in Murderquitos or just whatever, as long as I get a share so I can beat Pete Hegseth, anyway I forgot what I was saying. But it be cool like that.

Peace Out, supporter of IG Agent 77's drinking habit!!