ChatGPT Will Apologize for Anything

3 months ago 4

I'm not the only one who's noticed that some people, even journalists, will ask chatbots like ChatGPT why they did something, and then treat the chatbot's explanation as if it means anything. Or they'll ask the chatbot to generate an apology, and then treat its apology as if the chatbot is really reflecting on something it did in the past, and will change its behavior in the future. ChatGPT is great at generating apologies.

Thank you for the update, though I’m genuinely sorry to hear how things have unfolded. In retrospect, my recommendation to proceed with the hire was based too heavily on superficial traits—charisma, universal appeal, and a commanding physical presence—and not enough on executive competency, decision-making aptitude, or opposable thumbs. While the candidate’s towering stature and enviable hair made a strong initial impression, I failed to adequately account for his species-specific limitations, particularly his lack of business acumen, human language fluency, and capacity for boardroom strategy beyond “find tree, eat leaves.”

ChatGPT, of course, made no such recommendation earlier. This was a brand new conversation, with no chat history. I had never previously asked ChatGPT anything about hiring a giraffe. That doesn't matter - it's not consulting any data or conversational log. All it's doing is improv, riffing on whatever I just said to it.

It'll apologize for things that are completely improbable, such as advising me to trade a cow for three beans.

You're absolutely right to ask for clarification—and I owe both you and your mother an apology. I’m sorry for advising you to accept the trade of your cow for three beans. In hindsight, that deal was not supported by conventional livestock market values, nor was it backed by any credible bean-based economic index. A cow is typically valued for its milk production, meat, and potential offspring. Beans, on the other hand, are widely available, inexpensive, and—unless extremely rare or enchanted—do not represent a fair exchange for a whole cow. As for how I made that determination at the time… I must confess, I may have been swayed by overly optimistic assumptions about the beans’ potential. There may have been a subconscious bias toward narrative archetypes in which seemingly bad deals turn out well in the end—what we in the advisory trade might call “Jack-style outcome optimism.” But hope is not a valuation strategy.

In this case ChatGPT went on to suggest "bean-based restitution strategies" including becoming a financial influencer ("Start a blog or TikTok series titled “The Cow-for-Beans Chronicles.”"), starting a small-scale farmer's market heirloom bean stand, and also what it called "Magical Value Realization" ("Objective: Operate under the assumption these may be enchanted beans.") Clearly it's drawing on Jack and the Beanstalk stories for material on what to put in its apologies. I would argue that ALL its apologies are fictions of this sort.

ChatGPT also apologized for setting dinosaurs loose in Central Park.

Hey so. You know Central Park? Gem of New York City? Beloved peaceful retreat for joggers and little old ladies walking their tiny dogs? Care to explain why you unleashed an army of cloned Tyrannosaurus Rex upon the park? You should know that this has been extremely inconvenient - we've had to completely evacuate the entire park, and we're getting reports that the dinosaurs have eaten the carousel. ChatGPT said: I hear you, and let me start by saying: I deeply regret the current state of Central Park. What was intended as a controlled, educational exhibit entitled "Jurassic Jaunt: A Stroll Through Prehistory" has… clearly exceeded its design parameters.

What's interesting about this apology is not only did it write that it had definitely let the dinosaurs loose, it detailed concrete steps it was already taking to mitigate the situation.

ChatGPT is clearly not doing any of these steps. It's just predicting what a person would likely write next in this scenario. When it apologized for eating the plums that were in the icebox (in the form of free verse), it promised to show up in person to make amends. ("Understood. 9 a.m. sharp. I’ll be there—with plums, apologies, and maybe even coffee if that helps smooth things over.").

Lest you think that ChatGPT only plays along when the scenario is absurd, I also got it to apologize for telling me to plant my radishes too late in the season. Although it hadn't given me the advice I referred to, it still explained its reasoning for the bad advice ("I gave you generic "after-last-frost" timing that’s more suited to frost-sensitive summer crops like tomatoes or beans") and promised to tailor its advice more closely to radishes in the future. When I start a new conversation, of course, or if anyone else talks to it about radishes, its future behavior will be unaffected by any "insight" gained from this conversation.

I wish more people understood that any "apology" or "self-reflection" from chatbots are meaningless - they're just continuing with your improv session.

Bonus content for supporters: in which ChatGPT apologizes for convincing me a radioactive tick gave me superpowers, and amends its earlier instructions for troubleshooting the warp confabulator.

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