Grow Inherently, Not Apparently

Every action, no matter how small, shapes the story you tell yourself about who you are. This narrative builds silently, invisibly.

That’s why trivial habits like making your bed, waking up early, and keeping spaces clean matter more than they appear to. Each small action accretes to become you.

As we strive to improve our lives, it’s easy to prioritize appearance over substance. This happens when we’re concerned with status, prestige, or vanity rather than actual growth. Consider some common traps:

• Building glamour muscles but lacking functional strength.
• Adding to an already large collection of sparsely read books.
• Following an extensive skincare routine while eating shittily.
• Memorizing things instead of developing your own thoughts.
• Buying expensive things to signal wealth.

A problem arises when you spend more time hiding or avoiding your shortcomings than it would take to meaningfully address them, fetishizing symbols of achievement rather than achievement itself. Each hour spent agonizing over appearance rather than cultivating something real is an hour you won’t get back, won’t be rewarded for. Pretending is its own punishment. And it’s exhausting.

Ralph Waldo Emerson put this in biblically stark terms: “Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.”

You probably know someone, real or not, who doesn’t seem to question their motives. They don’t need to weigh options or second-guess themselves. They don’t hesitate, they just act. Not because they’re impulsive, but because they’re aligned. Their identity and actions get along like two drops of water.

Remember:

• You are what you repeatedly do and consistently believe about yourself. Life is much more pleasant when those two things are heading in the same direction.
• The gap between who you are and who you present yourself to be is the exact length of your insecurity. Close that gap.
• If your identity is negotiable, so is every action and every decision. When you face a crossroads, ask yourself if it will move you closer to the person you want to be or to a principle you commit to follow.
• That tactical backpack won’t help your personality flourish. When we crave a product, we’re usually craving something else internally. From that paragon of brolosophy, Fight Club: “The things you own end up owning you.”

Resist the charades. It’s rarely worth the effort to outwardly display qualities that aren’t inherently (and often invisibly) present. Instead, develop inherent qualities, skills, and values rather than settling for the appearance of them.

When you’re aligned, when your actions have a steady tenor, you’re less likely to waver or compromise your character in tough moments. You spend far less energy on regret, rationalization, and damage control. You won’t be perfect, but at least you’ll know who you are.

“We think things that appeal to all people who are not actually rich but who want to look rich, though all they manage to do is look like each other: damasks, ebony, plants, rugs and bronzes, anything dark and gleaming — everything that all people of a certain class affect so as to be like all other people of a certain class.”

~Leo Tolstoy, The Death of Ivan Ilych (Short Story)

“Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.”

~Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Book)