How to Network as a Developer (Without Feeling Sleazy)

“One of the comments that sparked this article,” our founder Paul McMahon told me, “was someone saying, ‘I don’t really want to do networking because it seems kind of sleazy. I’m not that kind of person.’”

I guess that’s the key misconception people have when they hear ‘networking.’ They think it’s like some used car salesman kind of approach where you have to go and get something out of the person.

That’s a serious error, according to Paul, and it worries him that so many developers share that mindset. Instead, Paul considers networking a mix of making new friends, growing a community, and enjoying serendipitous connections that might not bear fruit until years later, but which could prove to be make-or-break career moments.

It’s something that you don’t get quick results on and that doesn’t make a difference at all until it does. And it’s just because of the one connection you happen to make at an event you went to once, this rainy Tuesday night when you didn’t really feel like going, but told yourself you have to go—and that can make all the difference.

As Paul has previously shared, he can attribute much of his own career success—and, interestingly enough, his peace of mind—to the huge amount of networking he’s done over the years. This is despite the fact that Paul is, in his own words, “not such a talkative person when it comes to small talk or whatever.”

Recently I sat down with Paul to discuss exactly how developers are networking “wrong,” and how they can get it right instead. In our conversation, we covered:

• What networking really is, and why you need to start ASAP
• Paul’s top tip for anyone who wants to network
• Advice for networking as an introvert
• Online vs offline networking—which is more effective?
• And how to network in Japan, even when you don’t speak Japanese

What is networking, really, and why should you start now?

“Sometimes,” Paul explained, “people think of hiring fairs and various exhibitions as the way to network, but that’s not networking to me. It’s purely transactional. Job seekers are focused on getting interviews, recruiters on making hires. There’s no chance to make friends or help people outside of your defined role.”

Networking is getting to know other people, understanding how maybe you can help them and how they can help you. And sometime down the road, maybe something comes out of it, maybe it doesn’t, but it’s just expanding your connections to people.

One reason developers often avoid or delay networking is that, at its core, networking is a long game. Dramatic impacts on your business or career are possible—even probable—but they don’t come to fruition immediately.

“A very specific example would be TokyoDev,” said Paul. “One of our initial clients that posted to the list came through networking.” Sounds like a straightforward result? It’s a bit more complicated than that.

“There was a Belgian guy, Peter, whom I had known through the Ruby and tech community in Japan for a while,” Paul explained. “We knew each other, and Peter had met another Canadian guy, Jack, who [was] looking to hire a Ruby developer.

“So Peter knew about me and TokyoDev and introduced me to Jack, and that was the founder of Degica, who became one of our first clients. . . . And that just happened because I had known Peter through attending events over the years.”

Another example is how Paul’s connection to the Ruby community helped him launch Doorkeeper. His participation in Ruby events played a critical role in helping the product succeed, but only because he’d already volunteered at them for years.

“Because I knew those people,” he said, “they wanted to support me, and I guess they also saw that I was genuine about this stuff, and I wasn’t participating in these events with some big plan about, ‘If I do this, then they’re going to use my system,’ or whatever. Again, it was people helping each other out.”

These delayed and indirect impacts are why Paul thinks you should start networking right now. “You need to do it in advance of when you actually need it,” he said. “People say they’re looking for a job, and they’re told ‘You could network!’ Yeah, that could potentially help, but it’s almost too late.”

You should have been networking a couple years ago when you didn’t need to be doing it, because then you’ve already built up the relationships. You can have this karma you’re building over time. . . . Networking has given me a lot of wealth. I don’t mean so much in money per se, but more it’s given me a safety net.

“Now I’m confident,” he said, “that if tomorrow TokyoDev disappeared, I could easily find something just through my connections. I don’t think I’ll, at least in Japan, ever have to apply for a job again.”

“I think my success with networking is something that anyone can replicate,” Paul went on, “provided they put in the time. I don’t consider myself to be especially skilled in networking, it’s just that I’ve spent over a decade making connections with people.”

How to network (the non-sleazy way)

Paul has a fair amount of advice for those who want to network in an effective, yet genuine fashion. His first and most important tip:

 Be interested in other people.

Asking questions rather than delivering your own talking points is Paul’s number one method for forging connections. It also helps avoid those “used car salesman” vibes.

“ That’s why, at TokyoDev,” Paul explained, “we typically bar recruiters from attending our developer events. Because there are these kinds of people who are just going around wanting to get business cards from everyone, wanting to get their contact information, wanting to then sell them on something later. It’s quite obvious that they’re like that, and that leads to a bad environment, [if] someone’s trying to sell you on something.”

Networking for introverts

The other reason Paul likes asking questions is that it helps him to network as an introvert. “That’s actually one of the things that makes networking easier for someone who isn’t naturally so talkative. . . . When you meet new people, there are some standard questions you can ask them, and it’s like a blank slate where you’re filling in the details about this person.”

He explained further that going to events and being social can be fun for him, but he doesn’t exactly find it relaxing. “When it comes to talking about something I’m really interested in, I can do it, but I stumble in these social situations. Despite that, I think I have been pretty successful when it comes to networking.”

“What has worked well for me,” he went on, “has been putting myself in those situations that require me to do some networking, like going to an event.”

Even if you aren’t that proactive, you’re going to meet a couple of people there. You’re making more connections than you would if you stayed home and played video games.

The more often you do it, the easier it gets, and not just because of practice: there’s a cumulative effect to making connections. “Say you’re going to an event, and maybe last time you met a couple of people, you could just say ‘Hi’ to those people again. And maybe they are talking with someone else they can introduce you to.”

Or, you can be the one making the introductions. “What has also worked well for me, is that I like to introduce other people,” Paul said.

It’s always a great feeling when I’m talking to someone at an event, and I hear about what they’re doing or what they’re wanting to do, and then I can introduce someone else who maybe matches that.

“And it’s also good for me, then I can just be kind of passive there,” Paul joked. “I don’t have to be out there myself so much, if they’re talking to each other.”

His last piece of advice for introverts is somewhat counterintuitive. “Paradoxically,” he told me, “it helps if you’re in some sort of leadership position.”

If you’re an introvert, my advice would be one, just do it, but then also look for opportunities for helping in some more formal capacity, whether it’s organizing an event yourself, volunteering at an event . . . [or] making presentations.

“Like for me, when I’ve organized a Tokyo Rubyist Meetup,” Paul said, “[then] naturally as the organizer there people come to talk to me and ask me questions. . . . And it’s been similar when I’ve presented at an event, because then people have something that they know that you know something about, and maybe they want to know more about it, and so then they can ask you more questions and lead the conversation that way.”

Offline vs online networking

When it comes to offline vs online networking, Paul prefers offline.

In-person events are great for networking because they create serendipity. You meet people through events you wouldn’t meet otherwise just because you’re in the same physical space as them.

Those time and space constraints add pressure to make conversation—in a good way. “It’s natural when you are meeting someone, you ask about what they’re doing, and you make that small connection there. Then, after seeing them at multiple different events, you get a bit of a stronger connection to them.”

“Physical events are [also] much more constrained in the number of people, so it’s easier to help people,” he added. “Like with TokyoDev, I can’t help every single person online there, but if someone meets me at the event [and is] asking for advice or something like that, of course I’ve got to answer them. And I have more time for them there, because we’re in the same place at the same time.”

As humans, we’re more likely to help other people we have met in person, I think just because that’s how our brains work.

That being said, Paul’s also found success with online networking. For example, several TokyoDev contributors—myself included—started working with Paul after interacting with him online. I commented on TokyoDev’s Dungeons and Dragons article, which led to Paul checking my profile and asking to chat about my experience. Scott, our community moderator and editor, joined TokyoDev in a paid position after being active on the TokyoDev Discord. Michelle was also active on the Discord, and Paul initially asked her to write an article for TokyoDev on being a woman software engineer in Japan, before later bringing her onto the team.

Key to these results was that they involved no stereotypical “networking” strategies on either side: we all connected simply by playing a role in a shared, online community. Consistent interactions with others, particularly over a longer period of time, builds mutual trust and understanding.

Your online presence can help with offline networking. As TokyoDev became bigger and more people knew about me through my blog, it became a lot easier to network with people at events because they’re like, ‘Hey, you’re Paul from TokyoDev. I like that site.’

“It just leads to more opportunities,” he continued. “If you’ve interacted with someone before online, and then you meet them offline, you already do have a bit of a relationship with them, so you’re more likely to have a place to start the conversation. [And] if you’re someone who is struggling with doing in-person networking, the more you can produce or put out there [online], the more opportunities that can lead to.”

Networking in Japanese

While there are a number of events throughout Japan that are primarily in English, for best networking results, developers should take advantage of Japanese events as well—even if your Japanese isn’t that good.

In 2010, Paul created the Tokyo Rubyist Meetup, with the intention of bringing together Japanese and international developers. To ensure it succeeded, he knew he needed more connections to the Japanese development community.

“So I started attending a lot of Japanese developer events where I was the only non-Japanese person there,” said Paul. “I didn’t have such great Japanese skills. I couldn’t understand all the presentations. But it still gave me a chance to make lots of connections, both with people who would later present at [Tokyo Rubyist Meetup], but also with other Japanese developers whom I would work with either on my own products or also on other client projects.”

I think it helped being kind of a visible minority. People were curious about me, about why I was attending these events.

Their curiosity not only helped him network, but also gave him a helping hand when it came to Japanese conversation. “It’s a lot easier for me in Japanese to be asked questions and answer them,” he admitted.

But Paul wasn’t just attending those seminars and events in a passive manner. He soon started delivering presentations himself, usually as part of Lightning Talks—again, despite his relatively low level of Japanese. “It doesn’t matter if you do a bad job of it,” he said.

Japanese people I think are really receptive to people trying to speak in Japanese and making an effort. I think they’re happy to have someone who isn’t Japanese present, even if they don’t do a great job.

He also quickly learned that the most important networking doesn’t take place at the meetup itself. “At least in the past,” he explained, “it was really split . . . [there’s the] seminar time where everyone goes and watches someone present. Everyone’s pretty passive there and there isn’t much conversation going on between attendees.

“Then afterwards—and maybe less than half of the people attend—but they go to a restaurant and have drinks after the event. And that’s where all the real socialization happens, and so that’s where I was able to really make the most connections.”

That said, Paul noted that the actual “drinking” part of the process has noticeably diminished. “Drinking culture in Japan is changing a lot,” he told me. “I noticed that even when hosting the Tokyo Rubyist Meetup. When we were first hosting it, we [had] an average of 2.5 beers per participant. And more recently, the average is one or less per participant there.

“I think there is not so much of an expectation for people to drink a lot. Young Japanese people don’t drink at the same rate, so don’t feel like you actually have to get drunk at these events. You probably shouldn’t,” he added with a laugh.

What you should do is be persistent, and patient. It took Paul about a year of very regularly attending events before he felt he was treated as a member of the community. “Literally I was attending more than the typical Japanese person,” he said. “At the peak, there were a couple events per week.”

His hard work paid off, though. “I think one thing about Japanese culture,” he said, “is that it’s really group based.”

Initially, as foreigners, we see ourselves in the foreign group versus the Japanese group, and there’s kind of a barrier there. But if you can find some other connection, like in my case Ruby, then with these developers I became part of the “Ruby developer group,” and then I felt much more accepted.

Eventually he experienced another benefit. “I think it was after a year of volunteering, maybe two years. . . . RubyKaigi, the biggest Ruby conference in Japan and one of the biggest developer conferences in Japan [in general], used Doorkeeper, the event registration system [I created], to manage their event.

“That was a big win for us because it showed that we were a serious system to lots of people there. It exposed us to lots of potential users and was one of the things that I think led to us, for a time, being the most popular event registration system among the tech community in Japan.”

Based on his experiences, Paul would urge more developers to try attending Japanese dev events. “Because I think a lot of non-Japanese people are still too intimidated to go to these events, even if they have better Japanese ability than I did.

“If you look at most of the Japanese developer events happening now, I think the participants are almost exclusively Japanese, but still, that doesn’t need to be the case.”

Takeaways

What Paul hopes other developers will take away from this article is that networking shouldn’t feel sleazy. Instead, good networking looks like:

• Being interested in other people. Asking them questions is the easiest way to start a conversation and make a genuine connection.
• Occasionally just making yourself go to that in-person event. Serendipity can’t happen if you don’t create opportunities for it.
• Introducing people to each other—it’s a fast and stress-free way to make more connections.
• Volunteering for events or organizing your own.
• Supporting offline events with a solid online presence as well.
• Not being afraid to attend Japanese events, even if your Japanese isn’t good.

Above all, Paul stressed, don’t overcomplicate what networking is at its core.

Really what networking comes down to is learning about what other people are doing, and how you can help them or how they can help you.

Whether you’re online, offline, or doing it in Japanese, that mindset can turn networking from an awkward, sleazy-feeling experience into something you actually enjoy—even on a rainy Tuesday night.