Seeking

i am still here. i am still listening. my place in this world continues to be a mystery. the threat of violence continues to control me. the place i was raised has become the place i fear most. fear has become my operator. it takes advantage of my attachment and care for the figures that have raised me. this omni-present energy that lordes over me, holds me hostage. it threatens to drag those who molded me through the suffering. it threatens to beat me. it threatens to arrest me. it threatens to disable me. i refuse to believe that this force is necessary for my participation in society, yet i am unable to stop responding. what should i make of my latest emissions being authored by fear. documenting and sharing my perspective doesnt seemed to have remedied my situation in the least bit. in reality it has amplified the pain even more. what should i make of my youngest moments being utterly dominated by fear. especially when the outcomes of my response appear to improve environment. those same outcomes could be realized minus these threats of this immaterial being. im watching it groom and set me up for the big mistake. i see myself being driven towards the cliff. i seek the strength to standup to this pressure even in the face of these futuristic nightmares materializing into agnonizing reality. i seek the strength to gracefully say enough is enough. i seek sovereignty of self. i seek liberty in all dimensions.

signed, my neighbors, the bald trees