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3 months ago
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Illuminati Ganga’s historical preservation society recently published a modern updated version of Potenkeep’s Guide To Nisseloven, a very famous book well-known by every adequately educated Dane. If you should find yourself being Danish yet unfamiliar with this book I would recommend buying a copy immediately and becoming adequately educated, as should be the goal of every citizen in a modern society.
If you are not Danish perhaps you should buy one in an effort to understand the parts of the world unfamiliar to you, which without the level of scholarship on display in producing a modern updated version of this classic reference work might seem to be works of pure fantasy or the products of a diseased mind infected with Christmas spirits.
The book also contains several documents of historical interest including excerpts from the famous memoirs of the founding director of NisseStyrelsen -Martin Tiedemann -entitled “A Pipe-Smoker’s Guide to Intellectual Governance”
Here we excerpt a part of especial interest to Illuminati Ganga, regarding an amazing map of Denmark:
For my office I commissioned a map of enormous size, showing every human domicile wherein a Nisse was said to reside. My loyal second in command Oldepot Tippetsen was instrumental in forming the cartographical wonders that the map was filled with, in close communion with an eccentric thaumaturge who lived in a windmill.
I still remember when it was arrived, and he exclaimed with great fervour “It has been brought. It is to be borne up!” and he ran out as fast as his two legs and cane could carry him. I myself decanted a fine snifter of brandy in case anyone should want to celebrate the occasion, and in order that nobody felt backwards about celebrating I straight off swallowed a very heartfelt initiatory toast. The map, a long pole of wrapped cloth, was forthwith borne in by two lanky fellows in tattered blue coats and yellow trousers, Oldepot scampering delightedly about their heels, and the cane hopping every third scamper.
The faces of the delivery men were overlong and their noses hung far out and down, with a sort of pliable form to the septum that caused them to wag between the eyes a little more like tails than proboscii. They looked indeed so dissimilar to other men that one might have thought them a different species, yet so dissimilar to each other that one would never have thought them related. One had thick curly black hair, and brows that looked a Prussian Officer’s moustache, the other one was red-haired and had a dozen freckles the size of thumbprints littered across his face. At Oldepot’s direction they hung the map on the Northern wall, covering the cold stone walls, and thus set at a lateral to my windows which opened to the East and from where the sea air would come in.
It was magnificent, all of Denmark could be seen at once with its principle regions clearly delineated, small zephyrs were drawn at the bordering waters, and they moved on their own to reveal the current weather of the country, indeed as the sea breeze came in from the open window it seemed that they responded to it, and blew a thin cover of clouds over the country. In later years we would explore this feature of the map more deeply, to address the question of how much of the map was in relation to the weather of the country and how much was it forming that weather, but that is for later chapters.
After Director Tiedemann retired a large refurbishing of the Nissestyrelsen offices was undertaken by the next Director Søren Da, and the premier cartographical achievement of the century was lost, which was a major embarrassment for Søren Da.
Illuminati Ganga has been unofficially tasked by the royal family of Denmark to find the missing map, a hunt which is of some urgency as it is rumoured that the Principality of Wavewrack and Fog are also searching for it. Wavewrack and Fog is a kingdom consisting of a single tower standing beneath the last full moon of Winter forever, above a great swirling ocean of endless doom, and they are not nice people! You definitely do not want a magical map of your country possessed of arcane powers falling into their hands! Just, to put it out there, in case anyone happens to have some knowledge as to the current whereabouts of said map and would like to do the patriotic thing or just get it off your hands before assassins from Wavewrack and Fog come calling. That is also something to keep in mind.
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Again, please if anyone has information regarding the missing magical map of Denmark once in the possession of NisseStyrelsen inform Illuminati Ganga at once if you would like to prevent the world from being plunged into a millennium of Darkness.
