The Voice in My Head

"Have sex with a woman", "This is a cure for your schizophrenia", "You are and have always been stupid", "You will suffer till you die", "You are a nobody", "We won't let you put an end to the suffering".

These are the voices in my head that return again and again, month after month, after a brief period of lucidity. And the voices always return with full vengeance.

"You will not find a job", "You will be living on the streets", "Your destiny is to suffer".

I was looking for a job on LinkedIn when suddenly the voices struck hard. I immediately added Haldol to my regular medication to prevent a relapse.

And the voices were not very loud this time. But they were merciless and devastating.

I couldn't breathe.

Weird LinkedIn recruiter messages started popping up and I still can't be sure if this was my imagination.

The message was clear - you will not find a job. You are lonely and that's why you keep losing your jobs under stress. You must find someone - but you'll not find anyone anyway because you are worthless.

It's a catch-22. A straitjacket destined to suffer forever. Not allowed to end the suffering.

I'm determined to win this lost battle. No end in sight.

Resistir é Vencer.

In memoriam of those who died because of me