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5 hours ago
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If you live in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, Houston, Washington D.C., Boston, Nashville, St. Louis, or really any city outside of the Northwest or Rocky Mountain regions right now, you’re probably losing your mind over this heat. The brain-boiling temperatures currently suppressing the United States are affecting over one quarter of the population, per the New York Times, and have triggered extreme heat warnings across the country.
As a result, scores of innocent Americans are dripping in sweat. It’s disgusting. It’s unbecoming. But it doesn’t have to be this way! At least, there are ways around it. If you have to physically leave your home and go outside—which an increasing number of us do as return to office policies sweep the workforce—there’s no way to hide from the elements. But that doesn’t mean you can’t fight back. When faced with summer scorchers like these, the best way to remain sane, dignified, and stench-free is by taking (at least) two showers a day.
Now, there’s a strategy to this. You cannot and should not be the person taking two luxurious 10-minute showers per day. That’s wasteful and unnecessary. I think, during two-shower season, you’re allotted one regular length shower and one spritz. Should you need to bump those numbers up—we’ve all been there—all remaining showers should also be of the spritz variety, and ideally decrease in duration. The name of the game here is cooling down and hosing the sweat off, not taking an “everything shower” that cleans every nook and cranny.
Part of this is out of respect for your fellow human. When you arrive somewhere in the summer—whether it’s your desk at work, a friend’s house, your rich uncle’s boat—it’s best not to reek. Taking a shower before doing any of that is just common courtesy. This goes both ways, too. Bathing yourself makes things more pleasant for those around you, but it should also make you feel better. Nothing kills a mood quite like showing up to the function and realizing you’re musty. All that does is lead to an evening of self-consciousness, trying not to raise your armpits or engage in any sort of movements that will increase your perspiration.
If you live in a city, there will always be situations where the only form of transportation to said function is walking or taking public transit, in which case sweat will come back to haunt you, but that’s outside your control. Jumping in the shower beforehand is something you can always control. Please do it before I have to be around you for several hours.
The actual practice of showering multiple times a day can be hard to fit into a busy schedule, though. I’m fully aware of the warring schools of thought about whether it’s better to shower in the morning or night. But let’s say you wake up feeling a little grimy from a night of uncomfortably warm sleep. You’ve got an hour or so before you need to leave for work, brunch, whatever. That’s your best zone for the standard shower. If you give yourself enough time, the morning allows for a nice chilling period post-shower. In my experience, taking a shower and then immediately getting dressed and heading out for the day leaves me literally hot and bothered. It’s like the heat from the shower is still baked into my skin, and the clothes are trapping it there. (I should note, under no circumstance are my showers cold. Those make me feel like Patrick Bateman.)
