What does it mean to be smart?

When I was younger, I used to think a smart person was someone who always knew the answer. The kind of person who crushed trivia, won arguments and seemed to be three steps ahead in a debate. But over time, I started to see that being smart isn’t one thing. It’s actually a combination of things — and not all of them are obvious at first.

These days, I think of “smart” as a grid. Two columns, three rows. One side is about facts and data — the kind of thinking we usually associate with intelligence. The other side is about emotion — the stuff we don’t always talk about but deeply affects how we move through the world.

Each column has three levels:

1. Knowledge
2. Intellect
3. Wisdom

Let’s break it down.

This is where most people start. It’s the stuff you learn in school. Names, dates, formulas, rules. You can acquire knowledge from books, lectures, documentation, Wikipedia, podcasts. It’s accessible to anyone with curiosity and time.

Some people stop here. They think memorizing a lot of things makes them smart. But without the next level, it doesn’t mean much.

Intellect is what you’re born with. It’s the horsepower behind your brain. It’s how fast you can process what you’ve learned. It’s the difference between memorizing a formula and actually understanding how and why it works. It’s what lets you synthesize new ideas or spot patterns others miss.

You can train this a bit, just like you can get better at lifting weights. But for the most part, it’s built-in. And while it’s impressive, it’s still not the whole picture.

This is the part that gets earned. You only get wisdom by screwing up. You launch something that crashes. You take a shortcut that backfires. You make a bold claim and turn out to be totally wrong.

If you’re paying attention, every failure teaches you something deeper than any book ever could. Wisdom is what makes you hesitate before jumping to conclusions. It’s what tells you, “Maybe it’s more complicated than that.”

And here’s the thing: without wisdom, knowledge and intellect can actually make you dangerous. You can be the smartest person in the room and still be dead wrong. That’s why this row — wisdom — is the only one that really matters.

Now let’s look at the other side of the grid — the emotional column. Same rows, different focus.

This is learning how people tend to act and react. It’s the basic awareness that people have emotions, needs, baggage and blind spots. It’s knowing what empathy is. It’s being aware that communication is mostly about listening.

You can read books on leadership, psychology and emotional intelligence. You can watch how people respond to you. You can learn this.

But again — learning about feelings is not the same as navigating them well.

Some people are just naturally gifted at reading a room. They sense tension before anything is said. They can predict how someone will respond before they even speak. These folks often seem emotionally “tuned in” — like they were born with a sixth sense for people.

This kind of emotional intellect helps with everything from leadership to friendship. It’s powerful. But again — it’s not enough on its own.

This is where the real growth happens. You don’t get emotional wisdom from books. You get it by hurting people. Or being hurt. You get it by messing up a hard conversation, losing a friendship, saying the wrong thing at the worst time — and sitting with the consequences.

If you pay attention, those failures change you. They soften you. You become more careful, more compassionate, more grounded. You realize people are complex. You learn when to speak and when to just sit quietly with someone in pain.

Emotional wisdom is what lets you be kind and clear. Honest and gentle. It’s what makes you a good parent, partner, manager, friend.

And just like on the data side, it’s the wisdom row that really counts.

To be truly smart, you need all six. But the two wisdoms — those are the pillars. That’s where the depth is. That’s where trust, leadership and character live.

You can cram knowledge. You can flex your intellect. But wisdom only comes when you fall down and choose to get back up differently.

I have a favorite saying:

To acquire ultimate wisdom, you have to experience ultimate failure.

It’s a hard truth. But if you’ve lived it, you know — that’s when things finally start to make sense.